I know that in my given state of pregnancy I should be nothing but elated. Sadly I am not. I am still that person that wants something to be easy.
I felt like crap all weekend. It felt like I should only have hazy black out memories of a really crazy party Friday night. But Friday night consisted of dinner with Cloudy, Love It or List It reruns, and an early bedtime. I slept in late on Saturday and still when I got out of bed it was like I had the worst hangover of my life. I stayed on the couch most of the weekend.
Can you nominate your own husband for Man of the Year? If so I’d like to nominate Cloudy. He brought me fruit in bed in the mornings because citrus and grapes seem to be the only thing that make me feel better. He did all of our laundry, dishes, and vacuuming. He filled my water glass and apologized that I was feeling so crappy. He even let me moan out directions on how to make my favorite soup and he made it. And I took two bites and changed my mind. All this while letting me hog the tv to get caught up on the Real Housewives of NJ reunions! He is being very loving and supportive and I love him for it.
Yesterday I felt a little better and spent the day at work studying for my huge 8 hour exam coming up this Friday. We even went after work to try out a new gym. We did a circuit class and it was fun. It did make me light headed, nauseous, and burpy though so I think I may have over done it. I devoured half a pizza when we got home and went right to bed.
I want a baby. I really really do. My body has a physical reaction when I see babies that feels like my uterus trying to turn inside out and grab one. I think it will be really cool if we can have one that is made out of bits of me and Cloudy. And I admit that I have been doing everything in my power to get myself knocked up. And now here I am. I got what I asked for and I am not loving it. I was here once before. I did the weeks of sickness and was happy to have it because I was pregnant. But I won’t be fooled this time. I will not enjoy my morning sickness if it does not come with a guarantee!
So of course, I wake up today and I feel fine. Totally fine. No sickness no nothing. So of course, I am freaking out.
One week down, three to go until my first ultrasound. How am I doing? I am a freaking basket case. Hang on hangover, maybe I want you to stick around after all.
befriending my ovaries 
Someone should have to guarantee you (in writing) a healthy pregnancy before you are blessed with morning sickness. I totally agree. I had many days of sickness with good days sprinkled in there. On those good days, I felt physically good, but mentally was a wreck. How come this has to be so freaking hard? Your husband is amazing for taking such good care of you last weekend! What a guy. Seriously, you got yourself a good one! I hope the next few weeks goes by fast. You are a trooper for being able to wait that long. I would have to be committed!
P.S. I am embarrassed to say that I watch Love It or List It almost every night! :o)
He really is a good one. I love that show!
A note on Love it or List It… I love seeing the transformations of the houses and whether or not they move… but man the fakeness of the show drives me crazy! LOL I hate how they are always wearing the same clothes but pretend like it’s 4 months later. And I hate their stupid fake conflicts! If they could just make the show “real”, it would be way more interesting and much more bearable, because the concept of the show is awesome! Look at new houses AND renovate the old one!
One great thing about pregnancy fatigue in the beginning is you can go to sleep at 7pm and then wake up and the day is already over. It helps the days pass faster until your next appointment…
It can’t be easy can it! I’m glad you have such a caring man by your side, that means a lot. I can’t believe they make you wait that long for an ultrasound. How to get through? the usual I guess, one day at a time.
We’re on the same page … I spend half my time moaning in nausea and revulsion at the thought of putting anything into my gnawingly empty stomach, the other half worrying about why I have an appetite and am no longer nauseous. I’m glad Cloudy is taking such good care of you while you’re feeling “hungover” – what a sweetheart. And I’m still impressed by your waiting so long for an ultrasound – I couldn’t have done it!
I HATED the entire first trimester b/c I was so sick. There is totally guilt that goes along with that when you’re thinking “I prayed for this, right?!” … but ya, when you feel miserable, it’s legit to not be stoked about it. It doesn’t mean you’re not grateful to be pregnant – it just means that feeling like shit is no fun! Hopefully the cruddy symptoms subside soon but you get a healthy, take-home baby 8 months from now!!
Hang in there! I know you are freaking out…many of us have been there and can relate. Just take it a day at a time, as they say, and concentrate on doing your best to feel good. I had no symptoms at all (nausea) so I was always wondering if that meant I didn’t have a strong pregnancy. Turns out, we all just react differently. I pray that you can find some peace somewhere in the wait and that you feel just good enough to function, and bad enough to have some reassurance.