Now that tomorrow is almost here

I’m scared.  All I have wanted for the last four weeks is for tomorrow to be here so that I can have an ultrasound and see my baby.

I have been frustrated at not having had  more monitoring and testing up to this point and thought it was crazy that I had to wait until 9 weeks and 4 days before I could know anything about this pregnancy.

What I failed to see was the beauty in not knowing.  Me, my husband and mom have been telling me that everything is fine.  None of the three of us is a doctor but we have so far managed to convince me that I am pregnant and nothing is wrong.  Yes well, we did this during my first pregnancy too and I was convinced everything was fine but at 20 weeks I had an ultrasound to prove otherwise.

From the time I got my second pink line up until yesterday I have been anxiously awaiting the arrival of tomorrow.  Today I feel like putting on the brakes.  I feel like staying in my land of make believe where I can easily be convinced that things are fine.  Sure I want to hear the heartbeat and see my baby and hear  that everything is perfect so far, but not at the risk of not getting to hear any of those things.

I’m really scared.  I don’t want this taken from me.