Settling In

Here I am in a new town, do I sound different?. My office is set up but the house is still in boxes. I did manage to get the bedroom set up but the other rooms need some serious work. The movers came at 8:00 Sat morning and we were all packed up by 1pm. They decided to drive and unload on the same day so we were not unloaded until 9pm. It was a long day. We also had to clean the old house in between.

We have never had movers before and I can just say. IT IS AWESOME. We ended up helping unload because there is no way I can just sit on the couch eating m&m’s while someone else is carrying my stuff and sweating from working so hard. Even though I did carry a few boxes it was nothing like moving by ourselves. I feel completely spoiled and even though the move was still hectic and stressful it was so much easier thanks to the help of these guys.

The worst part about moving so far has been saying goodbye to my friends, yoga students, and acupuncturist. I felt like I was giving up so much. I hope it won’t be long before I am integrated in the new community and make some friends. Luckily I still have you gals. Thanks so much for your understanding comments on my last post!

The best part about moving so far has been the lovely distraction it has provided me with. I am already 10 days past ovulation and I only have to wait until this weekend to test. I literally have only thought about it a couple of times and not even every day. That is wild! Usually it consumes every minute and I have to put my straight jacket on to keep from peeing on things. I don’t even know which box my pregnancy tests are in!

My chart looks pretty good but I don’t really have a strong feeling either way.  That is all for now.  I have a couple more posts I want to try to get up today to make up for by absence so I will get working on that after lunch.

Hey it’s Me!

So it is harder than I thought it was going to be to..

Study for a Licencing Exam

Pack up all of my belongings and move them 150 miles

Remodel our home and get it rented or sold

Find a new place to live

Have sex every other night

Post a photo everyday

Keep you all informed

 

All in a few weeks time.  The worst part of it all is that I have let blogging fall to the back burner even though it helps me with everything else and even though you are all there for me without fail.  My loyalty should be to you.   But one by one the balls are dropping.  Turns out I am no juggler.  We have been going back and forth spending two or three days a week in the new location and then furiously trying to get our house in shape for someone else to live in when we leave.     But Saturday is the big day.  The movers are coming and we are going.  Things should start to settle in and down by next week and then I will hopefully be able to rejoin the world of the blogging.

I think the egg popped out last Friday on CD 13 and the sperm was happily awaiting it’s arrival so we shall see!

The bad news is that Mr Needles reached out to his community and cannot find an acupuncturist within 100 miles of my new town.  I’m bummed because even if I decide to move on to IUI I still wanted to have it acupuncture assisted.   I want one for other things too like head colds and aches and pains.  I want my needles!   He has me set up on a herb regimin that I can repeat monthly so hopefully that will help.  I will likely do that for a couple of months while I look into my other options here.

That is all for now!  LOVE HUGS and WISHES to you all.  I hope your ovaries are all being kind this week.

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To busy to be sad

First I have to acknowledge that this is post 100!  What?  That is crazy pants.  I never thought I would make it to 50 let alone 100.  I am kind of excited about it.  I love my blog and my blog friends and….. whoo hooo 100!

Well here I am on cycle day 10 and starting to rev up some hope that I will ovulate, fertilize, and implant over the next two weeks.  Since it is my last month in town I decided to give mr. needles one more chance.   I will have my last appointment with him on Friday to hopefully spur ovulation on Saturday.  Hopefully that and a little fun in the bedroom will be enough.

If it isn’t I think I am going to start looking into other options.  Josey reminded me that I can try IUI without drugs and that seems like a good place to start.  So, if I don’t have the kind of pee that makes two lines by the time we are settled in our new place I will look around and see if there are any doctors locally that would be willing to shoot me up with sperm.  I’m not sure why but I am just so nervous about that decision.

I am not a blob of sad anymore.  Thanks for all of your kind words and support, it’s great to have such a huge space to hold my grief.  Since we are moving and practically remodeling our house before we go I have been too busy to be too sad.

My mom came last weekend to help us pack and paint and we had a great time.  Sometimes you just need your mom.

We come home from work and spend several hours every evening packing and working on the house but I still need to keep up the energy so that I can seduce Cloudy all week.  He is taking an interest in what day I am on and he thinks the every other day plan is the way to go.  He is also taking some chinese herbs  to help with his essence so that can only help.  I love that he is participating and not just doing it all for the nookie this time.

I will let you know how it goes!

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Broken, Breaking Down

My temp was down about halfway on Saturday morning and then took the big plummet Sunday morning.  I take my temperature at 5:00 every morning and then get up to give the dog his first dose of medication.  When I saw that 97.28 I knew that it was over and that saturday’s drop was not a fluke.  I fed the dog his breakfast and pills as I sat sobbing on the living room floor.  I don’t usually react this strongly but it just came and wouldn’t stop.  Cloudy heard me and came down and held me as I cried on the floor. 

I was hoping that I was being super emotional because it was early and I was tired so I went back to bed.  When I woke up again at 8:00 the same scene ensued only I wasn’t on the floor this time.  I pretty much cried all day yesterday and my eyes are tearing up now just thinking about it. 

Crying because I’m not pregnant.  And crying because this time last year I was!  I was pregnant, I made it past the dreaded 12 week miscarriage window and I am supossed to be a mom right now.  But I am not.  I’m just a tired stressed crazy person (sounds like a mom but you don’t get the tiny cuddles at the end of the day that make it all worth it)  I am so sad that my baby’s life was so short that I never got to meet her/him.  And I am so mad that here I am two years after we started trying, still no baby. 

I can usually take the hit with a lot more courage and optimisim.  But the start of this cycle just feels like a continuation of my doom. 

One thought that keeps popping into my head is that I am such a rookie.  All I have done is try a ton of supplements and herbs and needles.  All I have done is monitor my bbt and have sex with my husband.  And frankly I am over it.  I don’t want to try anymore.  Of course I will keep trying but I don’t want to.  I don’t want to take my temperature every morning for months on end just to know that I’m not pregnant.  Honestly, I don’t even want to have sex with my husband anymore because it feels like non-alcoholic beer (what’s the point right?) 

We were able to get a house to rent in the town we are moving to and I was so excited about it and now I don’t want to move into a place with more bedrooms than my broken uterus can fill. 

And I’m a f’ing rookie.  So many of you have done so much more for so much longer.  I can’t help but think about the women who have put themselves through multiple IVFs.  I can’t help but think about the women who have spent 10 or more years and tens of thousands of dollars trying to grow their families. 

You ladies are warriors and I’m an f’ing rookie and I want to quit.  I want to just sit on the floor with my dog and sob and give up. 

Cycle day 2, whoo hoo!

 
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We’re Moving!

It’s official we are moving.  Cloudy has an offer and it is a good one.  They are also going to let me keep my same position and work remotely!

He starts september 15 and we will likely move October 1.  I just checked and that is a Monday which is not ideal as far as moving goes…

I know it will be stressful because moving always is.  We have to get our house in good shape and find someone to rent it.  And we have to find someplace to move into that will take our two dogs and two cats.  But that is standard for moving and people make this work all the time so I’m sure we will be fine.

I will miss a lot of things about where I live.  It’s a place that most people only come to on vacation , it is beautiful and home to everything fun outdoors.  I think most I will miss my friends and teaching yoga. 

There are some great things to look forward to in the new location though.  The thing I am most excited about is that we have decided to commit to making our new lives as simple as we can and we will be able to save money every month! 

On the fertility front I am 3dpo and keeping myself calm.  I WILL NOT be testing early.  I feel good right now, altough it is week two that usually gets me.

On the gluten front I am doing really well and feeling a whole lot better.  I have to admit it is really hard for me to say no but with the exception of pancakes last saturday I am managing.  (Those pancakes were totally worth it!)

Men are Easy

Happy Monday Morning!

This weekend we worked around the house trying to make progress on the 70 or so house projects we have started but not finished over the last three years.  We are masters of picking  a project, making a supplies list, and spending a ton of money at the home improvement box store.  We are also really great at taking things apart, tearing things down, and cutting holes in things.  We are not so good at taking a project to completion.  But this weekend we made plenty of headway.  Upstairs in our house we have two bedrooms and a bathroom.  And it is almost completely remodeled!  All we have left now is new carpet (which I will gladly pick out and then pay someone else to install)  and new tile in the bathroom (which we can hopefully get to next weekend)  But it looks so amazing up there!  We put the finishing touches on the three closets we built, put the last bit of paint on the walls, and finally finished putting up all new trim.  These three things have been in various stages of completion for about a year now.  We also started painting the living room and ripping out the old trim to also be replaced.  I even took our ceiling fans down and spray-painted them and they look fantastic!  It feels good to be getting things done.

Anyway, back to the men are easy part. …

I usually have some pain or tenderness in my ovaries around ovulation and on saturday it was in full swing.  Little pangs here and there, first the left side and then the right.  That is weird because it is generally just one sided.  Anywhoo I was excited about this pain because it was day 13!  How awesome and fertile that makes me sound.  I had already informed Cloudy that he would be getting lucky every night this weekend and he was happy to play along. 

In the middle of painting and Cloudy sawing and nailing I went to the bathroom and noticed a copious amount of egg white cervical mucus.  I pondered for a moment putting on pretty panties and seducing my husband but instead I went for the less subtle approach.

Sunshine:  “hey, my ovaries hurt and my mucus is egg whitey.  I think we should do it right now” 

Cloudy: “really, right now?”  hammer in hand

Sunshine: “yep, is that too much pressure?”

Cloudy: “nope”

The clothes come off.  Men are easy.  That line would’ve never worked on a woman! 

We did it friday night and last night too for good measure.  Lo and behold my temperature was up today!  Yes, let the waiting commence.

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Where’d I go?

I got a loving reminder that I haven’t been posting and then I looked and I see it’s been six days! Six Days! And I think, whoa, what have I been doing for six days?!
I seriously can’t think of anything that has happened to me in the last week. I mean, I didn’t fall and hit my head or anything, I can remember the last six days, I just have not had one interesting thing happen to me. Lame, I know.

So to make up for my disappearance I will give you an update and a funny video.

I am still living in the same place and have no news on if we will be moving or not. Cloudy has his final interview on Friday and I hope we will know by September 1. I have given up stressing about it though!

I think gluten makes me gassy. I have been fighting the idea of gluten sensitivity for a while now because I can’t imagine a life without bread and pasta. But well, I may have to face the wheaty music. In order to keep my brain and stomach from throwing themselves on the ground in a full on feet kicking, fist pounding, temper tantrum protest. I am starting with one day. Not a lifetime without real cookies and birthday cake and garlic bread and fried breaded cheese and mmmm…. maybe I’ve been in a gluten coma for six days. Anyway, just one day. A realistic goal. Maybe I will do it tomorrow too if all is going well but I don’t want to rush into anything. 🙂

I am on cycle day 10 today. I had a nice normal period without too much discomfort on my or Cloudy’s part. I had one high temp spike but other than that I have had nice beautiful low follicular phase temps. And I am hoping to see that egg white stuff any day now. I’m revving up for a week of sex and I hate that I have to talk myself into it but I’m sure it will be great!!

Mr needles is taking this very personally now.  When I went in last time and reported that I was not in fact pregnant, he hit his knees with balled up fists;  very disappointed!  He declared that “this WILL be the month”.  He looked to be paying extra attention to every needle and  double checked my herb prescription twice, making sure every twig and berry weighed just the right amount.  I have to admit, I like it.  I like that I can let him worry about it for a cycle.  We have it planned out to get the yang herbs going on day 12 so as not to put off ovulation so long this time.  We have a plan and we are ready.  Me and these two guys are getting pregnant!     And that is about all there is my beautiful friends.     Now that my brain is clearing from my gluten free breakfast I will get back on track and can’t wait to see how all of you are doing, because I miss the reading even more than the writing.  Love you guys!

Oh geez I almost forgot the funny video!! Something really is up, I am super flakey right now…..
Enjoy. Even if you’ve seen it it might make for more laughs, it had me crying I was laughing so hard this morning

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