I went to the doctor, this is what I know.

First I had an intake appt with the nurse.  She is awesome.  She is really close to my age and I got along with her really well.  We talked about my pregnancy history and she was very sympathetic and understanding about why we wanted to get in so soon and that I want every test imaginable when I can.  I liked her.  In fact I wanted to tell her that I was new in town and I needed friends and would she please please hang out with me.  But I didn’t, I played it cool.  I didn’t think asking out the nurse my first time in the door was a good idea.

Then, a couple hours later Cloudy went back with me and we met the doctor.  She seemed nice and smart (both positives).  She explained the tests that were available and let us ask our crazy questions.  Any time I told her anything her response was “oh, that’s fine”

“My boobs don’t feel as full today as they did yesterday”

“oh, that’s fine”

I don’t feel sick, I’m kind of symptom free actually

“oh, that’s fine”

“I had a very tiny bit of brown spotting this morning”

“oh, that’s fine”

She didn’t want to give me a series of beta tests because she says it usually just makes pregnant women worry unnecessarily.  (likely true in my case,  but still)  She didn’t do an ultrasound because she said there would not be much to see right now.  (I know but…..)

I think she could tell that I was freaking out at the lack of testing she wanted to do so she said.  “You’re ok.  It makes sense that you are worried.  I know you want some answers today.  What happened to you is awful and unforgettable.  But this is not the same pregnancy, I see no reason to expect that  this one will have the same outcome.  You are pregnant and healthy, enjoy that.   I will talk to some fetal medical specialists that we work with out of Denver and see if there is anything we can do sooner to get you the answers that you want.  There is some possibility that we can do a blood test around 10 weeks to look for fetal DNA in your blood and from that rule out the three major trisomies.  The test is not FDA approved but it is available.  I will have you back in 4 weeks and we will discuss your options then and look at your baby”

She is right, I am pregnant, and this is not the same pregnancy.   As far as we know, we have the same chances as anyone to end up with a perfect little baby love.  And really the questions I have and the answers I want, I can’t get right now.  So I have to wait.  And I have to find a way to keep my worry in check without constant medical monitoring.  This little one is on it’s own path, as much as I want to and as much as I try I can’t control that and I can’t protect it from everything.  I will try to control the things I can, like what I put into my body, and I will try to protect my baby from what I can.  When the time is right I will have my tests and my answers.

For now I just have to occupy my own brain and let my body do it’s job.

On another note:  I did throw up today.  For no good reason.  I didn’t feel nauseous, I didn’t eat anything funny.  I just drank a glass of water, like I always do when I get out of bed.  A few seconds later I was lunging for the kitchen sink (gross I know).  It was just like the movies when the woman feels completely fine and then bam she’s reaching for her trash can!  That is enough to keep me grateful in every symptom free moment I get.

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13 thoughts on “I went to the doctor, this is what I know.

  1. I am really glad you had a good experience with the place (PHEW!) and also sad that there is not some kind of magic blood/ultrasound test they can do at first sign of pregnancy that says, oh LOOK everything is going to be FINE! But FOUR WHOLE MORE WEEKS until you get an ultrasound? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I know you will be fine. I know having an ultrasound doesn’t change the outcome of anything anyway. But AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okay we will be here for you to keep you sane during your 4 week wait. And everyone is right, this is a different pregnancy!

  2. I have to keep reminding myself the same thing. Every pregnancy is different and this one isn’t necessarily going to turn out like the others. It is so hard when all you have to go by is bad experiences. Your doctor sounds very understanding though. I have heard of that test you are talking about. I think it is called materniT21? I know a few people who have gotten it. They also tell you the gender, which is cool. I hate any kind of tests. Just something to obsess and worry about. Anyways, I am glad that your appointment went well. You are being amazing calm about everything. I could (and should) take some lessons from you. 🙂

    Oh and P.S.- Drinking large amounts of water at once still makes me want to throw up, so I think that is a fantastic sign. 🙂

    • Yeah that is the test I think. I am really hoping we can have it done since it is the earliest and the least invasive way to be sure. I guess it makes sense that they can tell the gender that way too. We don’t want to know the gender ahead of time so I will have to make sure to tell them not to tell us the xx xy part. Good call.

      I guess I better slow down on the water then, my eye was also twitching yesterday and I thought of how yours was doing that and got excited.

  3. Hmm, I think it would be the same approach over here with no beta tests and not too early ultrasound offered. So vomiting is good 🙂 you got to take that as a healthy progress!

  4. That was my first almost-vomit moment too – I got up and immediately chugged a big glass of water with my thyroid pills. Two seconds later I was gagging. I had my hand out at the ready to catch the pills; luckily, it didn’t quite come to that ….

    Your doctor sounds very calm and reassuring, and everything she said makes perfect sense. This is a different experience. Things will be different this time. Can’t wait to hear about your look inside when the moment finally arrives … if I’m this impatient for that time to come, I can’t imagine what you’re feeling!

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