My alarm went off at 5:00am as it usually does to take my temperature. Of course, since it’s test day, my eyes popped wide open and I hurriedly stuck the thermometer in my mouth. I took it twice because my temp was down about 3 tenths of a degree this morning to 98.04. Still way above my coverline but I still panicked. Why is it lower?
I laid there for a few moments trying to talk myself down and convince myself that I could go back to sleep and everything was fine; I could test at a reasonable hour. You know, like when the sun is up.
Yeah right. Seconds later I was in the bathroom ripping open a test and peeing on it. I did not cover it up and turn a away for three minutes. I stared that thing down, I was glued to it like a car crash. Within fairly short order my heart stopped, my breath caught, I may have even gone deaf for a minute. I had two lines!
I just sat there for a little while. I didn’t know how to feel. I didn’t scream out with joy. I didn’t jump up and down. I just sat there and tried to take in what this means.
Eventually I walked back into the bedroom and heard a muffled Cloudy voice from under the covers.
“What did it say?” “Um……it says I pregnant” “Yay!!! That is great! Right?” “Yeah I guess it is. I hope we get a baby this time. I think I am mostly scared, and kind of shocked, and then…..a little excited.”
Then we just laid there in silence for a while.
So yes I am very excited that I have been given those beautiful elusive pink lines. The lines that promise me a chance, but not the promise of happy healthy baby in June, just a chance. I’ll take it.
I have been trying all morning to figure out what to say to you all about this. I know you will all take this differently depending on your own story and how long you have been invested in mine. I know that this type of thing is both hard to hear and hopefully somewhat encouraging. I have followed certain bloggers completely in love and in support of their pregnancy. Others I have had to stop reading upon a pregnancy announcement because I wasn’t in a good place. I am having my own crazy emotional smorgasbord about this news and it won’t surprise me or hurt my feelings if your emotions run the gamut as well.
Just know this. I am still invested in your stories and your lives. I still want to read updates about all of you and your trials and tribulations, as well as your successes. I will not be hurt if you stop reading my posts or leaving comments. I get it.
That being said, regardless of what you do about my blog, keep writing yours. I think it is the cure. I believe we can all help heal each other.
I Love you guys!!!