One step down a long hard road

My alarm went off at 5:00am as it usually does to take my temperature.  Of course, since it’s test day, my eyes popped wide open and I hurriedly stuck the thermometer in my mouth.  I took it twice because my temp was down about 3 tenths of a degree this morning to 98.04.  Still way above my coverline but I still panicked.  Why is it lower?

I laid there for a few moments trying to talk myself down and convince myself that I could go back to sleep and everything was fine; I could test at a reasonable hour.  You know, like when the sun is up.

Yeah right.  Seconds later I was in the bathroom ripping open a test and peeing on it.  I did not cover it up and turn a away for three minutes.  I stared that thing down, I was glued to it like a car crash.  Within fairly short order my heart stopped, my breath caught, I may have even gone deaf for a minute.  I had two lines!

I just sat there for a little while.  I didn’t know how to feel.  I didn’t scream out with joy.  I didn’t jump up and down.  I just sat there and tried to take in what this means.

Eventually I walked back into the bedroom and heard a muffled Cloudy voice from under the covers.

“What did it say?”         “Um……it says I pregnant”       “Yay!!!  That is great!      Right?”     “Yeah I guess it is.    I hope we get a baby this time.  I think I am mostly scared, and kind of shocked, and then…..a little excited.”

Then we just laid there in silence for a while.

So yes I am very excited that I have been given those beautiful elusive pink lines.  The lines that promise me a chance, but not the promise of happy healthy baby in June, just a chance.  I’ll take it.

I have been trying all morning to figure out what to say to you all about this.   I know you will all take this differently depending on your own story and how long you have been invested in mine.  I know that this type of thing is both hard to hear and  hopefully somewhat encouraging.  I have followed certain bloggers completely in love and in support of their pregnancy.  Others I have had to stop reading upon a pregnancy announcement because I wasn’t in a good place.  I am having my own crazy emotional smorgasbord about this news and it won’t surprise me or hurt my feelings if your emotions run the gamut as well.

Just know this.  I am still invested in your stories and your lives.  I still want to read updates about all of you and your trials and tribulations, as well as your successes.  I will not be hurt if you stop reading my posts or leaving comments.  I get it.

That being said, regardless of what you do about my blog, keep writing yours.  I think it is the cure.  I believe we can all help heal each other.

I Love you guys!!!


28 thoughts on “One step down a long hard road

  1. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Okay, I just started freakin’ crying on my girlfriend’s couch when I read this. I am SOOOOO STINKING HAPPY FOR YOU!!

    Lots of prayers that you are going to go home with a healthy baby in your arms in June.


  2. Ahhhh I knew it! I have been waiting for this post all day!!! That is a BEAUTIFUL pink line my friend!!! I am so incredibly happy for you!! Yay!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

  3. What fantastic news!!! So so happy for you. I know now you go from frustrated to worried but I hope you can enjoy this BFP!!!!!

  4. AHHHH! Yay! What a wonderful wonderful sight. I know this will be a nerve wracking pregnancy, but it’s a good start! You are finally on your way. Now go get a beta test! Congratulations!!!!

  5. Yay!! This is fantastic news, so so happy for you! Take one day at a time when it gets scary. Enjoy and celebrate 🙂

  6. Aaaaggghhh, all of the exciting stuff happens while I am sleeping! This is fantastic news, oh my, I am so so thrilled for you. So thrilled. Please don’t stop blogging, I want the rest of the story and I hope you will still follow mine. I am over the moon. Whoop x x x

  7. Ahhhh I am overwhelmed with happiness for you! What a beautiful, perfect second line, a wonderful chance at a new little life. I know the journey may be a scary one at times (perhaps a lot of the time), but I hope it brings you joy along the way and nothing but pure bliss in June and beyond. Sending lots and lots of love to the three of you xxxx

  8. I know I am incredibly late in saying this (better late than never though, right?) but, congratulations!!! I stepped away from bloggie world for quite awhile and it seems that I missed your amazing news. I’m looking forward to getting caught up on your blog so I can read more about your little June baby!

I always love hearing from you.

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