I went to acupuncture this morning and it was amazing as always. It’s always a real treat to go after ovulation because he has to avoid one of my least favorite spots and I get to take herbs in pill form instead of nasty tea, just in case I am pregnant!
Anyway, I was complaining to needle guy that I feel so helpless. Like this egg is either fertilized or it isn’t and there isn’t anything I can do. I can’t do anything to guide this tiny grouping of cells into my arms in baby form. All I can do is wait and see. He reminded me that that isn’t true, I have to be the environment. This little tiny light whisper of life will have to live and thrive in me for several months. I have to be the environment that is supportive of life. I have to be the soil and the sun and the rain. It’s up to me not to pollute this micro planet inside of me. I am not only harming myself now I could potentially harm my baby’s whole ecosystem. Ok, so I just wanted a little control, I didn’t really want that much pressure!
I can be the environment. I can watch what I eat and drink and make sure I don’t get too tired and that I stay hydrated. Most importantly I can watch what I think. I do believe that thoughts have vibration and while I don’t buy that thinking something negative is necessarily the end of life and I don’t think that positive thinking alone is enough to move mountains or make babies. I do think it helps to breathe and focus on the good in my life. If I have a negative thought, I can just have it and not get on that crazy train to see where it goes.
If I don’t get that positive test in a week and a half I don’t have to blame my garden of a uterus. I just have to keep being loving and fertile so that I am ready when life does decide to take hold.
Then thoughts like this creep in.
Mmm I want a donut! I bet babies love growing in a place with donuts. I’m a work in progress.