Let me start with a little background so that when I tell you what I did to my husband you will understand why it had such an impact on him. Cloudy lives to ride bikes. Bicycles are his passion. He can spend hours talking about bikes, riding bikes, shopping online for bike parts, wearing t-shirts with bicycles on them. He watches bicycling on television and collects mountain biking videos. He owns a bike for every purpose under the sun, road biking, mountain biking, bike polo, bmx riding, cruisers, townies, fixed gear, 29er, down hill bike, tandem. And probably a few that I couldn’t tell you what they are for. His newest desire is a snow bike. Yep a fat tired bike made for riding in the snow. He want’s one, baaaad, dare I say he wants one as bad as I want a baby? Second fact you need to know is that we work in the same place and he has recently been complaining about a particular individual who he feel does absolutely nothing and is completely worthless in terms of producing useful work. We’ll call him Bob.
OK so, yesterday I overheard a co-worker telling another co-worker that he got a call in the middle of the night from his 17 year old daughter to tell him and his wife that she was pregnant. Seriously? On the same day that I find out I’m not pregnant I have to hear this crap?!!! She just moved away from home to go to school and his wife now wants her to move back home to have the baby. I of course stop what I am doing so as to be able to hear them over my loud typing. I feel as if I have been punched in the gut and can’t breathe and at the same time am trying not to crocodile tear all over my desk. He goes on to say that the father is freaked out and that neither “child” has a job. He is the kind of guy that laughs when he is nervous so the whole story he is laughing. I could also tell that he was very stressed about it. I was very stressed about it too.
I immediately wanted to send Cloudy a message over our company messenger and tell him the horror story that I am hearing. But then i stop myself because I know that he will respond in a way that I find insensitive. Probably something like, “Oh that’s crazy”. He will not at all remember that we are currently trying to do exactly that and that I have been really struggling with the fact that it hasn’t happened for us yet. And that I just found out AGAIN that I am not pregnant! He wants a baby, he really does, but it doesn’t consume his day or his thoughts and he thinks it will happen when it is meant to happen. He does not get how I feel because he doesn’t feel that way. I thought about that and how I wish there was something I could say to help him realize what I was feeling. Then my brain produced a gem and this is the message I sent him.
“I just overheard someone saying that they are giving Bob a brand new snow bike for being the hardest worker in our region!”
I worry that he will think this is some sort of hoax and see right through me, but no it hits his emotional center before his logic center and responds immediately with this.
What!? Are you F’ing kidding me!?
And this is how the rest of the messaging plays out.
Me: I know it’s crazy
Him: Crazy? It’s rediculous, he doesn’t do anything around here and he won’t even ride that bike, it will just rust in his garage?
Me: you’re pretty upset about it.
Him: Well it’s totally unfair
Me: It’s ok, because it isn’t happening, actually the rumor I overhead is that Ralph’s daughter is pregnant.
Him: What? So what are they giving Bob?
Me: Uh, nothing I made the whole thing up, I just wanted you to feel how I felt when I heard something totally emotional and unfair.
Him: You’re mean
Me: I know sorry, I am emotional.
Him: She’s young isn’t she?
Him: I’m sorry honey, that really is unfair, but you’re loosing it.
Me: I know
I don’t know what came over me. I was so tired of wanting to tell him and wanting him to understand and him never understanding. I still don’t think he understands and he thinks I’ve lost it. But my little experiment really did work! Now all I have to do is think of something that evokes the same emotion in him that I am feeling and keep tricking him into feeling. Wait, no, what I need to do is take a crazy pill and a nap, yeah…..