I get so in my mind about them. I didn’t have a great day today. It started with me being irritated with Cloudy. Like I mentioned, he is sick. I tried to get him to stay home yesterday to get well but he went to work to wear himself down further and infect everyone else. This morning when our alarm went off he decided he wasn’t going to go today and turned the alarm off and went back to sleep without telling me any of this. So I woke up late and irritated. When we spoke about it later he told me that he thought I knew because it was my idea. It was my idea yesterday when you went anyway! It just went downhill from there. At work, my boss informed me that he is taking me off of the project I am currently on. The one that I fought not to be on in he first place. The same project that is now days from being completed and I’m about to feel pretty good about. But no, he wants to take me off before I can have that satisfaction so that he can have me save another sucky project.
Anyway, the whole day continued in that fashion. Nothing horrible happened but everyone I interacted with irritated the crap outta me. Of course when I got home, Cloudy continued to grate my nerves so I am now shut in our room because he won’t leave me alone.
I have this voice in my head that likes to meddle and generally just stir up trouble. As I have been sitting here it has chimed in twice. First it interrupts my brooding to say, you know if it seems like everyone around you is the problem then YOU might actually be the problem. Well that is a rationale that I tend to agree with. So of course my mind instantly goes to “what is my problem?” “what day of my cycle is this? Isn’t it kind of early for PMS? Maybe I should look at my old charts for grouchy days and see if there is a pattern. Maybe it’s because I was in meetings all day and skipped the gym and didn’t get much sun or fresh air. Maybe it’s what I’ve eaten or what I haven’t eaten. Did I drink enough water………..”
Then meddle voice asks, do you think men go through all this when they have a bad day? Do you think they worry about hormone balance and the thousands of imbalances that could be upsetting them? No, they just continue on with the external blame. Do you need to blame yourself just because you are so self aware?
Good point meddle voice. Back to brooding. But maybe I should go get a sandwich and take a bath.