I would not set my parents up, but…..

I have divorced parents.  They got divorced when I was less than a year old so I have never known them married.  My whole life I have only known them separately.  This is nice because I don’t have any happy memories of them together or any bad memories of the family tearing apart.  I do have memories of my mom being sad about it as she is still bitter to this day, but that is another woman’s blog.  Knowing them and the adults they have turned out to be, I would NEVER put them together.  They are so different and have very different lives and interests.  In fact, the idea of them together is very very strange to me, I can’t picture it.  My dad wasn’t super active in my life as a kid and you could definitely say that I have “Daddy Issues” but he and I have both been making a huge effort to heal that pain and I love and respect my father so much.  I really look up to him and am proud to be his daughter.  My mom was like a super hero to me as a kid, she really is the best mom ever.  She did everything to make sure my sister and I had fun as kids, she also made sure we learned right from wrong and how to respect ourselves and others above anything else.  I have great parents, no doubt, but I have divorced parents.

Today is the fist time in my life! 31 years! that I have ever wished that they were married.  And it all has to do with real estate.

My dad, (and my awful step mom) have lived in Southern Texas for the last 13 years.  In order to visit them we have to fly, which is fine but it can be expensive and I never feel like a long weekend is worth it.  And (sorry Texans) it’s Texas.  I am not good with heat and humidity and giant crawly things so I always dread going, but always end up having a great time.  But last month they bought a place in a gorgeous town just one state and six hours drive away.  They won’t move there permanently until my dad retires in a few years but in the meantime we have a really sweet vacation spot, and it will be easier for us to go visit them.

In other news, Cloudy grew up in a state very far away from us and his family is all still back there.  We have only managed a trip back to his hometown once every two years with his parents coming to visit us in between.  It makes trying to start a family hard when all of our closet family is so far away.  Cloudy has an aunt that never got married or had children and is like a second mother to Cloudy.  She also just bought a new place in a city just 2 hours from my dad’s new place.  Cloudy’s parents went with her to close on the house and help her get it all set up and loved it and we just got word yesterday that now they have an accepted offer on a place there too!  So all of our far away family will be a lot closer to us!  At least part of the year.

Now both of my parents will only be a 6 hour drive for me, which makes getting to grandma’s house or grandpa’s house (when we finally make their grand kids) so easy for me.  But they live in completely opposite directions so 12 hours from each other, good for them, hard for me.  With everyone moving they are talking about getting Cloudy’s family and my dad’s half of the family (I have 2 half siblings as well) together for thanksgiving. I got to thinking about how fun it would be to be around both of our families this year and (please please please) be pregnant.  But then I thought about how we will all be together except my mom.  She never remarried, she has amazing friends and is happy but when I do holidays with my dad it means she is alone.

I can’t stop crying now.  For the first time I realized that having divorced parents that don’t get along at all, means I will not be able to have large family gatherings and have both of them there.  I wish my parents were married so that we could all be together this thanksgiving.  And I wish I could take the grand kids to big family holidays without having to explain why either grandma or grandpa isn’t there.   And I hate that my mom will sometimes not get to be at a Christmas or thanksgiving celebration with her grand babies.

So hard.



2 thoughts on “I would not set my parents up, but…..

  1. I hear you … my parents are divorced too, and even though they only live about ten minutes apart, it’s still difficult to do things with one parent (namely my dad, who like yours, is remarried – although I love his wife) knowing the other (my mom) is alone. My parents do “get along” so sometimes the family events, including holidays, are done all together, although I don’t think that always solves the problems – even if people are cordial, there is still tension. You’re right, it’s sad; the effects of divorce, even if for the best possible reasons and even if done in the best possible way, are ever-lasting.

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